I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
