ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
