it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
