its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
