he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
