If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
