Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
