Capitaan dildo arrescate!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You're like the curious george of whores
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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