then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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