woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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