she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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