My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we're chasing vodka with high fives
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
