We're like a lot better than the average bears
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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