can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
