to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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