He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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