I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
