Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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