Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think your dad took our porno
I just forgot I was standing up.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
