I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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