i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
