if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
this will be a night to untag.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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