I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
vagina is talking i cant
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
