I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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