I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
