clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
