I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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