At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
