i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
