does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
