She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
