Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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