do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
