Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
