remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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