Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How does it feel to date your dad?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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