dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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