Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
