Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
