They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
