just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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