Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's shark week go big or go home
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
