i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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