ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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