I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
