1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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