I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
