So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
