i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
