the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
