If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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